Poop jokes

2017-09-26 Funny jokes Leave a comment 51,508 Views

Well well well, what do we have here? That’s right, here you can find the infamous poop jokes. It’s human nature to think that poop and fart are funny. No matter if, you’re a toddler or as old as a bat, they can and will make you smile and laugh. I have collected the best jokes about poop out there. I will warn you though, some of them are funny, dumb or silly yes, but others a truly disgusting, so as one may say “viewer discretion is advised”. Enjoy!!!

I was going to tell you a poop joke but it’s really crappy.

Do you want to hear a poop joke?
Never mind it’s too corny.

What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away.

This guy dies and as he’s lived a bad life, he goes to hell.
When he gets there, he’s met by the devil who tells him, “Okay, you have a choice. You can pick one of two eternal torture rooms”.
The guy demands to see the rooms first and so the devil agrees to show him.
In the first room there are billions of screaming people, soaked in their own viscera, slowly being hacked to pieces by maggots brandishing little hacksaws.
In the second room there are billions of people standing neck deep in diarrhea, drinking tea.
The guy says to the devil, “Hey, this isn’t so bad! I’ll take this room!”
So the devil sends him in to spend the rest of his days there.
Just as he gets into the diarrhea and is about to sip his tea, an announcement comes over the tannoy:
“Okay. Break time’s over. Back to your handstands!”

Children are like farts.
You’re own are just about bearable, but everyone else’s are horrendous.

One guy is in love with a girl
He goes to the girl’s father and says “I want to marry your daughter.”
The father says “With the money you have you can’t even pay for my daughter’s toilet paper.”
The guy say’s, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to marry a girl who is full of crap.”

What’s the true definition of bravery?
Chancing a fart when you know you have diarrhea.

Two bats are hanging upside down on the branch of a tree.
The first bat asks the other, “Do you remember your worst day last year?”
The other says, “Yeah, the day I had diarrhea!”

What’s big and brown and behind the wall?
Humpty’s Dump.

What do you get when you poop in your overalls?
Dung-arees.

What did one fly say to the other?
Is this stool taken?

Poop Chat Up Line: My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.

The next one is a great poop joke

A little old man who’s hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can’t hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, “Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample.”
The old man turns to his wife and asks, “What did he say?”
The wife replies, “He said he wants your underwear.”

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.

Her: “That’s disgusting”.
Me: “Sorry, I like to poo with the door open sometimes”.
Her: “You shouldn’t be pooping in the car at all”.

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?

I went into a public toilet for a poop the other day. I’d just sat down when I heard a voice from the next cubicle say, “Hi, how are you?”
I was a little embarrassed but I replied, “I’m fine thanks.”
Then the voice asked, “So what are you up to?”
I replied, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here.”
Then the voice asked, “Can I come over?”
Annoyed, I said, “Actually, I’m a little busy right now.”
The voice then said, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door who keeps answering all my questions.”

Do clown farts smell funny?

Parent’s Law: The more distance you are from a toilet, the more urgently your child will need to poop.

Did you know that when you say the word “poop”, your mouth does the same motion as your bum hole?
The same is true for the phrase, “explosive diarrhoea”.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

People say love is the best feeling ever.
But I think finding a toilet when you’re having diarrhea is better.

You never really appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Toilet paper is a good example.

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes.

Laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you have diarrhea…
What do you call Clark Kent with diarrhea?
Poop-erman.

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods one day.
The bear asks the rabbit, “Do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”
The rabbit finishes his poop and replies, “No, I don’t. Why?”
“That’s great!” says the bear as he grabs the rabbit by the ears, reaches between his legs and wipes.

There is different types of poop

Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.

Second Wave Poop: You’re done pooping and you’ve pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you’re not done.

Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.

Clean Poop: You poop, it’s in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper.

The floater: Characterized by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.

Log Poop: The kind of shit that is so huge that you’re afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.

The liquid poo: That’s the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

Brain Haemorrhage Poop: (Also known as “Pop a vein in your forehead” poop) The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn’t smell.

“Gee I wish I could poop” Poop: The kind of poop where you want to poop, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.

Sweetcorn Poop: Self-explanatory.

Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.

The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Spinal Tap Poop: That’s the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

The groaner: A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

Here is a great video compilation thats all about the poop.

This videoe was uploaded by “Just For Laughs Gags”

Well well you made it, and with out any smell on you. Good for you, I’m really proud. If you liked these joke, please leave a message in the comment area. Maybe you know a good poop joke? Well don’t just stand there, share it with me so I can share it with the rest of the population. Don’t hold the poop jokes back.

Have a great day you all.