Racist jokes

• • What did God say when he made the first black man?
    “Damn, I burnt one.”

• • What did the black boy say when he had diarrhea?
    “Mommy, why am I melting?!”

• • Why don’t sharks eat black people?
    They think it’s whale excrements.

• • What’s more suspicious than a black man running?
    A black man tiptoeing.

• • Why are asprins white?
    Because they work!

• • Colgate toothpaste are a bunch of liars. On the label it says “Whiter in only 14 days”.
    I’ve been taking it for 15 days now and I still look Asian.

• • Why do black people make the best gynecologists?
    Because they’re already used to big lips, kinky hair, and bad breath.

• • What do you call a good looking Pakistani?
    Asif.

• • Women are just like fine wine.
    I only like the white ones.

• • What do you call a Chinese man who likes to eat soup with chopsticks?
    Yuan Dum Pock

• • What’s the difference between a black man and a snow tire?
    A snow tire doesn’t sing when you put chains on it.

• • What’s the difference between dog excrements and a black person?
    When dog excrements gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

• • What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction?
    Jail break.

• • On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, “This is for all my people” and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, “This is for all my people” and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy’s turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, “This is for all my people” and then throws the white guy off the roof.

• • What do you call a black priest?
    Holy Man.

• • 4 black men drive of a cliff in a old bentle what is the worst thing about it.
    The worst thing is there are 5 seats.

• • Do not be racist; be like Mario. He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man and grabs coins like a Jew!

• • How u call a ringing mexican?
    Taco “bell”.

• • I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
    She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!”
    I said, “Wow!”
    Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

• • What’s long, black and smelly?
    The unemployment line.

• • What do you call 1000 Jews on a train?
    Anything you want, they are never coming back.

• • Why are black people’s nose so big?
    Well god had to pick them up by something to spray paint them black.

• • Who are the real ninjas?
    The black people, you cant see or hear them in the night.

• • A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
    It’s called Nacho Mama.

• • A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

• • Hey, I’m not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.

• • A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

• • Which part of the Bible won’t you find a black man?
    The Book of Job.

• • Whats the diference between a black man and a nickel?
    The nickel is worth something.

• • What happened to the little black boy who had diarrhea for the first time?
    He though he was melting.

• • Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
    So they can take bubble baths.

• • Why do blacks smell?
    So blind people can hate them too.

• • What’s the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
    A boy scout comes home from camp.

• • There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, “We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, “We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, “We have too many in our country.”

• • Why do black people only have nightmares?
    Because they killed the only one that had a dream.

• • What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time …” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this stuff …”

• • Why can’t you play Uno with a Mexican?
    They steal all the green cards.

• • Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?
    KFC isnt open on holidays.

• • What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas?
    My bike.

• • How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood?
    The Blacks get car insurance.

• • Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones?
    Because they were still monkeys then.

• • How do Chinese people name their babies?
    They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.

• • What is long and black?
    A KFC line!

• • Recently starting going to a French self-defense class.
    I can’t believe how tiring it is.
    I’ve never done so much running in all my life.

• • How do you know that Noah was white?
    No black guy could go 40 days on a boat without eating chicken.

• • Why are all black people fast?
    Because all the slow ones are in prison.

• • How do you stop a black man from drowning?
    Take your foot off the back of his head.

• • School is like a boner.
    It’s long and hard unless you’re Asian.

• • What do you call a Chinese prostitute?
    Suk Mi Dong

• • What do you call a black man in a tree with a briefcase?
    Branch manager.

• • What’s the difference between blondes and mosquitoes?
    When I hit mosquitoes they stop sucking!

• • What’s the difference between a black man and a park bench?
    A park bench can support a family of four.

• • What do you get when you cross a black person and a mexican?
    Someone too lazy to steal.

Other funny racist jokes

• • Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
    It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.

• • Why did Hitler kill himself?
    Because he saw his gas bill.

• • Why do black people hate country music?
    Because when they hear the word “hoedown” they think their sister got shot.

• • Why are camels known as ‘ships of the desert’?
    Because they’re full of Arab seamen.

• • Why did President Obama get two terms?
    Because every black man gets a longer sentence.

• • What do you call a black pilot flying a plane?
    A pilot, you racist.

• • What do you get when you cross a noob with a gang banger?
    Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

• • How do you get a black man out of a tree?
    Cut the rope.

• • What did the Alabama sherriff call the black man who had been shot 32 times?
    Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

• • My uncle was a racist piano player.
    All his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.

• • Why don’t black people take aspirin?
    They refuse to pick the cotton out.

• • How do you starve a black person?
    Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

• • Why do black people stink?
    So blind people can hate them too.

• • Why does Beyoncé sing “to the left, to the left”?
    Because black people have no rights!

• • What do you call an apartment full of black people?
    A COON-dominium.

• • What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
    E.T. eventually went home.

• • Why do mexicans drive low-riders?
    So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

• • What do black kids get for Christmas?
    Your bike.

• • What’s a black man’s idea of foreplay?
    “Don’t scream or I’ll cut you, bitch.”

• • When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face?
    When her mustache is on fire.

• • Why are there no black astronauts?
    Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

• • Why don’t black kids play in the sandbox?
    Cats keep covering them up.

• • What is a black child on a bike?
    Thief.

• • How else do you babysit a black baby?
    Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

• • What do you call a stupid Chinese prostitute?
    Wun Dum Ho.

• • How do you babysit a black baby?
    Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

• • What’s the only positive thing about living in the ghetto?
    Pregnancy tests.

• • What’s the difference between a black and an Asian?
    10 minutes in the oven.

• • What’s long and black and smells like excrements?
    The welfare line.

• • What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died?
    A black widow.

• • How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
    You ever try to take a rib from a black woman?

• • How was break dancing invented?
    black men trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

• • What do you call 50 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
    Good start.

• • What is the worst 3 years of a black child’s life?
    First grade.

• • Why do black people keep chickens in their back yards?
    To teach their kids how to walk.

• • A black man and a mexican jump off the Empire State Building, who hits
    the ground first?
    The mexican, because the black man had to stop on the way down and
    spray paint “motherfu****” on the wall.

• • What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead black man in the
    road?
    The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

• • What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
    “I set WHO free?”

• • Why don’t mexicans have barbeques?
    The beans keep falling through the grill.

• • A black man and a mexican jump off the Empire State Building, who hits
    the ground first?
    Who cares.

• • How many black men does it take to pave a driveway?
    One if you spread him real thin.

• • How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
    All of them.

• • You hear about the new car made in Israel?
    Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

• • What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
    A quarter-pounder.

• • How do you blindfold a chink?
    Dental floss.

• • How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
    Roll a doughnut down the street.

• • What’s the most confusing day in Harlem?
    Father’s Day.

• • How do chinks name their kids?
    They throw silverware down the stairs.

• • What’s the difference between a black man and a bag of excrements?
    The bag.

• • What do you call a black man in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
    The defendant.

• • Why does Alabama have black people and California have
    earthquakes?
    California got first pick.

• • There is a black man and a mexican in a car, who’s driving?
    The cop.

• • Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
    He doesn’t know he’s black.

• • Why don’t black women wear panties to picnics?
    To keep the flies off the chicken.

• • Why did the black man carry a piece of excrements in his wallet?
    I.D.

• • Why do police dogs lick their behind?
    To get the taste of black men out of their mouth.

• • How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
    Tell them its a raft.

• • What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
    A black woman dressed for church.

• • What can a pizza do that a black man can’t?
    Feed a family of four.

• • What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
    A black man and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

• • What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
    A white owl goes, “Who, who,” a black owl goes, “Who dat? Who
    dat?”

• • Why do black people have flat noses?
    That’s where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

• • Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
    They’re going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

• • What do you get when you cross a black person with a gorilla?
    A dumb gorilla.

• • Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
    It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

• • Why do black people walk the way they do?
    Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

• • What’s the difference between black person and pit-bulls?
    It’s still legal to own a pit-bull.

• • What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
    Batman can go out at night without Robin.

• • Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for black people?
    It comes in a spray can.

• • What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
    He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

• • What do you say to a black man in uniform?
    “I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke.”

• • Why do decent white folks shop at black people yard sales?
    To get all their stuff back.

• • What do you do if you run over a black man?
    Reverse.

• • Why do black people call white people “honkies”?
    That’s the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.

• • How do you stop a black man from going out?
    Pour more gas on him.

• • Why are black people hard to see at night?
    Because prisons don’t allow visitors after dark.

• • Hear about the new bumper sticker that says “Run, Jesse, Run”?
    You put it on the front of your car.

• • Why did so many black soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
    Every time someone yelled “Get down!” the black men would jump up
    and start dancing.!

• • Just found out today that my best friend is Chinese.
    I always thought he was just tired.

• • Why do black people wear wide-brimmed hats?
    So pigeons can’t land on their lips.

• • What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
    They’re both black.

• • How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can’t read?
    They’re both black.

• • What’s black and tan and looks good on a black person?
    A Doberman Pinscher.

• • Why was golf invented?
    So white people get a chance to dress like black people.

More hilarious Racist jokes

• • What do you get when you cross a black person with a Vietnamese?
    Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won’t do.

• • Why are French history books blank?
    Because history is written by the winners.

• • Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
    He tried to jump 50 black men with a steam roller.

• • What’s the fastest animal in the world?
    The Ethiopian chicken.

• • Did you hear about Evel Knieval’s new motorcycle stunt?
    He’s going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

• • Why’s it better to be black than to be gay?
    Because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your parents.

• • What do you do if you see a black man with half a head?
    Stop laughing and reload.

• • How do you fit 15 black people in the back of a Cadillac?
    Don’t worry, they’ll figure it out.

• • Failed my biology test today.
    They asked, “What do you find inside cells?”
    Apparently “black people” wasn’t the correct answer.

• • Why are so many black people moving to Detroit?
    They heard there were no jobs there.

• • Why did God create a climax from intercourse?
    So black men know when to stop.

• • Why did God give black people rhythm?
    Because he messed up their hair, nose and lips.

• • What’s yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
    A bus full of black people going over a cliff.

• • What’s a crying shame?
    When a bus full of black people drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty
    seats.

• • If you accidentally drop you’re iPhone in water leave it in a bowl of dry rice for 24 hrs.
    The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.

• • Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
    My black man, I can paint him whatever color I want.

• • How do you stop a black man from drowning?
    You don’t.

• • Whats the differance between Afghanistan and Christmas?
    Christmas will be here this year.

• • The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.
    St. Peter: “What do you want? ”
    Pakistani man: “I’m here for Jesus.”
    St. Peter: “Jesus, your taxi’s here!“

• • What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his behind?
    A dart.

• • Why do seagulls have wings?
    To beat the black people to the dump.

• • What’s the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
    The length of the chain.

• • What do a black person and an apple have in common?
    They both look good hanging from a tree.

• • How many mexican does it take to have a bath?
    Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.

• • What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
    They both make black guys run faster.

• • What’s black, orange, and very pretty?
    A black man on fire.

• • Why are black people always buried 12 feet deep?
    Deep down they’re good people.

• • Why are there trees in Harlem?
    Public transportation.

• • What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
    Cha Ching!

• • How do you get 12 black people in a Volkswagen?
    Throw in a welfare check.´

• • What do you have if you’ve got a black man up to his neck in cement?
    Not enough cement.

• • How do you starve a black man?
    Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

• • What do black guys have that’s double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman?
    Their criminal record.

• • How does a black woman fight crime?
    She has an abortion.

• • How do you get them out?
    Throw in a job application.

• • What happened when the child looked up his family tree?
    A gorilla laughed at his face.

• • How did the black guy escape prison?
    He unscrewed all of the light-bulbs, how did he get caught?
    He smiled.

• • What are three things you can’t give a black person?
    A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

• • What do you call a black priest?
    Holy God.

• • What word starts with “N” and ends with “R” that you never want to call a black
    person?
    Neighbor.

• • Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
    Because there is a target on every corner.

• • What did the black child say when he slid down the zebra?
    Now you see me, now you don’t, now you see me, now you
    don’t.

• • What do black peopleuse to wash their white clothes?
    Bleeatch.

• • Why can’t mexican be firefighters?
    They can’t tell Jose from hose B.

• • What do you call two Ethiopians in a gold sleeping bag?
    Twix.

The last 25 Racist jokes

• • What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
    A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

• • Why do you go to a black mans garage sale?
    So you can get all your stuff back.

• • How does the navy use black people?
    They debone them and use them as wetsuits.

• • What’s the difference between the holy grail and a black shild’s daddy?
    You may find the grail.

• • Why is a mexican like a Skunk?
    Beause they’re half black and half white and smell like lumber.

• • What’s the difference between a black people and a letter?
    You can send a letter back to where it came from.

• • What do you call two black guys in a red sleeping bag?
    A kitkat.

• • What does Pontiac stand for?
    Poor old black people think its a cadillac.

• • Why do black people drive with their windows up?
    They think the smell is coming from outside.

• • Why is there cotton in pill bottles?
    To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before drug dealers.

• • Why don’t you run over a black man on a bike?
    Its probably your bike.

• • Do you remember the black family on the Jetsons? No?
    The future looks pretty good!

• • Did you hear about the black man that thought he was bleeding to death?
    Turns out he just had diarrhea.

• • Why do black woman eat tootsie rolls with a fork?
    So they don’t bite their fingers.

• • What do you call 50 black men burried up to their necks in dirt?
    Afro-turf.

• • What would Martin Luther king be if he was white?
    Alive.

• • How do you know if a black man is well hung?
    If you can’t fit your finger between his neck and the noose.

• • Why do black people like basket ball?
    It involves running, shooting and stealing.

• • What do you call two black cops on motorcycles?
    Chocolate chips.

• • Why North Koreans are like rabbits.
    Because Kim Jong Un stuffed a carrot up his crack.

• • Why don’t black people celebrate Thanksgiving?
    KFC isn’t open on holidays.

• • How many black college students does it take to screw in a
    lightbulb?
    Only one, but he gets 6 credits for it.

• • Why do all black people run fast?
    Because they have years and years practicing chasing their dad’s across Africa.

• • What has four legs and a black arm?
    A happy pitbull.