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Condom jokes and rhymes

Condom jokesHere is a fun and long list of condom jokes. Some of them can be used on your teens. They help to prevent any premature sexual exploration. In addition, they help to prevent become pregnant.

  • Why can’t pencils have babies?
    Because they have rubbers on their end.
  • Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick.
    Particularly when you weren’t wearing one when you started.
  • If you woke up one morning with a sore arse and a used condom lying next to you would you tell anyone?
    No? Want to go out tomorrow night?
  • Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom?
    Finding a condom in your hole!
  • How is a woman like a condom?
    Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
  • What do a shark and a condom with a hole in it have in common?
    You don’t want to fuck with either of them!
  • You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror?
    Try breaking a condom.


  • Two condoms are walking down the street. They stop outside a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and says,
    “You wanna go in and get shit-faced?”
  • What’s the best way to avoid getting dog shit on yourself?
    Use a condom.
  • What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
    They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
  • When I was in school, my Biology teacher had to give us the facts of life talk. During one of the lessons he had to show us how to put on a condom. It was really embarrassing, waiting for him to get hard.
  • How can you pick out a paranoid woman?
    She’s the one with a condom on her vibrator.
  • My wife walked in on an argument between our son and I. When he ran out of the room crying, I turned to the wife and said, “I wish I’d used a condom now.”
    Horrified, she said, “What? You wish our son had never been born?”
    “No,” I replied. “I’ve got his girlfriend pregnant.”
  • When should you wear condoms?
    At every conceivable occasion.
  • If women who sleep around too much were labelled “heroes” instead of “sluts”, us guys would be having a lot more sex.
    Someone fucked up here.
  • More condom jokes and rhymes

  • What do you call a two hundred foot rubber?
    A condominium.
  • My wife keeps complaining that I wear socks when we have sex.
    I suppose a condom would be better.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms.
    He uses a live rattlesnake
  • What do you call a Rock group that practices safe sex?
    A Rubber band.
  • What do you do with 365 used condoms?
    Roll them into a tire and call it a good year!
  • What’s the difference between condoms and coffins?
    They’re both full of stiffs, only one’s coming while the other is going.
  • The husband says to wife: “My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight.”
    The wife says: “Why don’t you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?”
  • Have you ever read the small print on the bottom of a condom?
    Oh, I see, you’ve never had to roll it down that far.
  • Why is paying your car insurance like wearing a condom?
    They both give you a feeling of security even though you know you’re getting fucked!
  • You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.
  • No ballon, No party.
  • Cover your skin, Before you break her in.
  • When in doubt, shroud your spout.
  • Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey.
  • Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam.
  • Great condom jokes and rhymes

  • Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.
  • Don’t surprise her plug your geyser.
  • Cover you post then slice her roast.
  • Don’t be a prick, Cover your dick.
  • Can your worm before you squirm.
  • Cover your stump before you hump.
  • Wrap your bait before you mate.
  • Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard.
  • Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.
  • Before you tap it cap it.
  • She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.
  • If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.
  • If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.
  • House your noodle when you release your strudel.


  • If you go into heat, package your meat.
  • Don’t be silly, protect your willy.
  • Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore.
  • Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon.
  • Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
  • Wrap it before you Tap it.
  • It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
  • If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.
  • The right selection! Protect your erection.
  • Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
  • Before you dig for those Pearls, cover your Jewel.
  • If you really love her, wear a cover.
  • Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
  • If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
  • Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
  • Don’t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.
  • Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
  • No glove, No love.
  • The last 25 condom jokes and rhymes

  • Bag it before you tag it.
  • A crank with armor, will never harm her.
  • While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.
  • Don’t be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy.
  • AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.
  • Survey your land then plant her stand.
  • Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound.
  • Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink.
  • Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed.
  • If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.
  • Dont be a dummy, Cum on her tummy.
  • Cloak the joker before you poke her.
  • Even If she’s eager, protect her beaver.
  • Restrain your log then plow that bog.
  • Before you drive her protect that diver.
  • Encase that torch before you paint her porch.
  • Safe Sex or No Sex.
  • Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle.
  • Cover that lumber before you pump her.
  • Put on the sling before you get some bling.
  • Cage that snake then shake and bake.
  • She won’t bristle if you wrap your whistle.
  • Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt.


  • You can’t go wrong if you shield your shlong.
  • Cover your peter it will be much neater.
Here is five quick Condom jokes (Created by Lads Holiday Guide)

The condom is man’s only safe method of contraception. The condom is a thin sheath of rubber (latex) as you roll down over the stiff penis before intercourse. It fits tightly around the penis, but since it is quite thin and slightly elastic, you wont feel it when you have it on.

Many teenagers are ruining their lives by getting pregnant too early in their lives. Although these condom jokes are menst as fun reading, they are helping to improve the lives of many young people.

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