Jokes about dead babies, sounds wierd right? Well, some people like them, and I serve my audience. These jokes are cruel, morbid and just a tiny weird. It takes a very special humor to enjoy them. If you dont have the stomach for it, dont read them, I’ve got plenty of others jokes on this site. Dead baby jokes are not for everyone. You have been warned.
- How many dead babies would it take to paint your house red?
Well, that depends on how hard you throw them.
- Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
- How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Staple its other hand to the floor.
- What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don’t bleed.
- What’s red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
- What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.
- What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead baby?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
- What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
- What’s blue and knocks on glass?
A baby in a fishtank.
- Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.
- What do you call a dead baby in a blender?
- What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.
- How do you make a baby drink?
With a blender.
- How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
- What’s red and taps?
A baby in an oven.
- Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.
- What games can you play with a dead baby?
- Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.
- What’s the best reason to have a baby?
It’s a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas.
- Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.
- What’s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
- How many babies fit in a blender?
Depends on how powerful the blender is.
- What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
- Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
- What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can’t gargle gravel.
- How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
- What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
- How do you save a drowning baby?
- What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
- How do you know when a baby is dead?
It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.
- How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
- How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Jab ’em all with a pitchfork.
- What’s the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?
I don’t have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.
- How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
- How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
- How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
- How do you get a baby out of a tree?
You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it’s a piñata!
- What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
- How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
- What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.
- How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
- How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.
- How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
- What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
- How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
- What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
- How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it’s head.
- What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
- How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it in case it explodes.
- What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.
- How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
- What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.
- If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it.
Is it still hilarious?
- What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
- What do you call a baby on a stick?
- What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Baby with slashed floaties.
- What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
- What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
- What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
- What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.
- What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
They’re fun to ride until they die.
- What is the definition of fun?
Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.
- What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
- What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
- What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
- What happens when you burn baby’s face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
- What is pink and goes black with a “hiss.”?
A baby thrown into a furnace.
- What is the difference between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don’t stink when you leave it out in the sun.
- What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
Your baby’s leg.
- What is brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
- What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
- What is red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
- What’s blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
- What is black and goes up and down?
A baby in a toaster.
- What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
- What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.
- What’s grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
- What is red and sits in the corner?
A baby with razor blades.
- What is little and can’t fit through a door?
A baby with a spear in its head.
- What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
- What is red and swings back and forth?
A baby on a meat hook.
- What’s more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
- What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A baby with one hand nailed to the floor.
- What’s pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
- What present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
- What’s red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue.
- What is blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
- What is green and sits in the corner?
Same baby two weeks later.
- What’s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that’s been playing with a chainsaw.
- What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
- What’s small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
- What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
- What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
- What’s the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby’s hips crack under pressure!
- What is black and charred?
A baby chewing on an extension cord.
- What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
- What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A baby with his hair on fire.
- What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can’t gargle gravel.
- What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies.
- What do you call the baby when it lands?
- What’s the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don’t get second looks when you’re writing with a felt tip marker!
- What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A baby in your freezer.
- What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.
- What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
Stopping them with a shovel.
- What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
Ripping it off again.
- What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.
- What is white and glows pink?
A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.
- What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
- What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
- What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
- What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
- What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
- What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children’s playground.
- What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.
- What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
- What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
More dead baby jokes
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The last 20 dead baby jokes
Why dead baby jokes?
So why a category with dead baby jokes, you may ask. Well, I actually received several inquiries with wishes for a specific category with these jokes. I don’t judge, I try to get as many different categories of jokes on this page as possible. I know that many of you do not like these kind of jokes, but hey, some do. You obviously do not need to read them, I have many other categories filled with different jokes for you to enjoy.