Good insults

• • If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’d be glad to do so for you.

 

• • You smell – athletic.

 

• • Converse with any plankton lately?

• • If I throw a stick, will you go away?

 

• • Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

 

• • I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

 

• • You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.

 

• • Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

 

• • I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.

 

• • The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.

 

• • Are your parents siblings?

 

• • If stupidity was painful, you’d be in agony.

 

• • Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

 

More of the Good insults

• • If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get change.

 

• • Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?

 

• • Mirrors can’t talk. Luckily for you, they can’t laugh either.

 

• • He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by a retarded ghost.

 

• • Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop.

 

• • Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

 

• • You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.

 

• • Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?

 

• • I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

 

• • Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?

 

• • If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.

 

• • He’s so dense that light bends around him.

 

• • If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

 

• • He’s got that far away look. The farther he gets, the better he looks.

 

• • I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.

 

• • I bet your mother has a loud bark!

 

• • How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

 

• • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

• • He’s the reason brothers and sisters shouldn’t marry.

 

• • You’re a person of rare intelligence. It’s rare when you show any.

• • Hey, act your age – senile!

 

• • If you had one more brain cell, it would be lonely.

 

• • I can’t talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?

 

• • I’m not offended by what you say. I’m just glad that you’re stringing words into sentences now.

 

• • How many years did it take you to learn how to breathe?

 

• • If brains were dynamite, you would not have enough to blow your nose.

 

• • I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

 

• • Don’t let your mind wander…it’s far too small to wander on its own.

 

• • I hear what you’re saying but I just don’t care.

 

• • Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

 

• • I certainly hope you are sterile.

 

• • I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

 

• • I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

 

• • Anybody who told you to just be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.

 

• • I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

 

• • You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.

 

• • I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla.

 

• • Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time?

 

• • If you had another brain like the one you’ve got, you’d still be a half-wit.

 

• • Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

 

• • If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.

 

• • I wouldn’t piss in his ear if his brain was on fire!

 

• • I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

 

• • I’d rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.

 

• • Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

 

• • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

 

• • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

• • If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

 

• • I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

 

• • I’ve come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

• • I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.

 

• • I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

 

• • You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

 

• • Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

 

• • If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.

 

• • I’m blonde, what’s your excuse?

 

• • What’s the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don’t.

 

• • I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

 

• • I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you!

 

• • I’m not as dumb as you look.

 

• • You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.

 

• • Please breathe the other way. You’re bleaching my hair.

 

• • I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.

 

• • Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

 

• • Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

 

• • Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

 

• • Keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested.

 

• • Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

 

• • Some day you will find yourself – and wish you hadn’t.

 

• • If you’re gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an ass.

 

• • Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

 

Great selection of Good insults

• • There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.

 

• • The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

 

• • I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.

 

• • The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.

 

• • It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

 

• • Some people don’t hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose.

 

• • You shouldn’t play hide and seek, no one would look for you.

 

• • Talk is cheap, but so are you.

 

• • Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.

• • There is no vaccine against stupidity.

 

• • Shut up, you’ll never be the man your mother is.

 

• • The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.

 

• • Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

 

• • Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

 

• • At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn’t hit me in the face.

 

• • Too bad stupidity isn’t painful.

 

• • The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.

 

• • They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

 

• • I’d slap you, but shit stains.

 

• • Thinking isn’t your strong suit, is it?

 

• • When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

 

• • What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?

 

• • We all spring from apes but you didn’t spring far enough.

 

• • How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?

 

• • You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

 

• • Do you know how long it takes for your mother to take a crap? Nine months.

 

• • Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?

 

• • If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

 

• • When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.

 

The last 20 Good insults

• • If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!

 

• • Why don’t you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

 

• • Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

 

• • You are so stupid you got hit by a parked car.

 

• • You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

 

• • You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s ass.

 

• • It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.

 

• • You’re so dumb you thought Taco Bell was a phone company.

 

• • Well I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

 

• • You should be the poster child for birth control.

• • Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

 

• • You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn’t like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

 

• • You’re so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar.

 

• • You grow on people – like a wart!

 

• • You’re not funny, but your life, now that’s a joke.

 

• • You’ve got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

 

• • You’re so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.

 

• • Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

 

• • You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

 

• • A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.

 

• • Don’t feel sad, don’t feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.