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Black jokes

Black jokesDo you find racist jokes and especially black jokes funny? Then you’ve come to the right place. I have gathered and compiled a great list of jokes you will like. I would like to mention that I am not a racist, nor do I have anything against people from other countries with other religions, beliefs or opinions. Since there is a great demand for these kind of jokes, I decided to create a specific category for these kind of jokes. I welcome you to this little corner of the interne and hope you will enjoy yourself.

Slow
Why don’t you see any slow black people?
All the slow ones are in prison.

Shark
Why don’t sharks eat black people?
They think it’s whale shit.

Letter
What’s the difference between a black person and a letter?
You can send a letter back to where it came from.



Dream
Why don’t black people dream?
The last one to have a dream got shot.

Thanks giving
Why don’t blacks celebrate thanksgiving?
KFC isnt open on holidays.

How to
How to be black? Spend half of your life in prison.
How to be white? You cant you have to be born white
How to be asian? Shorten the penis and eat rice.

Drowning
How do you stop a black person from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

Black dude
What do you call a black special forces operator?
An Ace of Spades!

Stink
Why do a black person stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

Alabama sheriff
What did the Alabama sheriff call the black man that got shot 20 times?
The worst case of suicide he’s ever seen.

Puerto rican dude in court
What do you tell the puerto rican dude in the three piece suit?
Will the defendant please stand.

Black baby angel
The black baby who went to heaven and got his wings said, “God! Look! I’m an angel!”, and God said, “No stupid! You’re a bat, now eff off!”

Bike
What do black kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

Polar express
What is the black version of the Polar Express called?
The underground railroad.
Why?
Both are fake trains that lead to freedom in the north.

Black people can’t have it
What are three things you can’t give a black person?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

Bitch
What’s a black mans idea of foreplay?
“Don’t scream or I’ll cut you, bitch.”

Apples
What do black people and apples share in common?
Both look good hanging from trees!

Rope
How do you get a black man out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

Aspirin joke
Why is Aspirin White?
Cause It Works! U guys should know this One!

Who’s driving
A mexican and a black person are in a car who’s driving?
The cop.

Rib
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a black woman?

Bike 2
What is a black man on a bike?
Thief.

Ouch
Why do black people eat tootsie rolls with a fork?
So they don’t bite their fingers.

White hand and feet
Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!

Categorize
What do you categorize a black peson as?
Nothing, they aren’t considered anything on this earth.

Did you enjoy the first 25 black jokes?

Monkey
What is a black person?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

Dog shit
What’s the difference between dog shit and black man?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

Pall bearer
How come there are only 2 pall bearers at a black persons funeral?
Because there are only 2 handles on a trash can.

Hit by cars
Why do more black people get hit by cars in the winter?
They’re easier to spot!

How to use a black people
How does the navy use a black person?
They debone them and use them as wetsuits.

Mtorcycles
What do you call two black cops on motorcycles?
Chocolate chips.

Hung
How do you know if a black man is well hung?
If you can’t fit your finger between his neck and the noose.

Run
What do you call black people running down hill?
Jail break!!!

Roof
How many black men does it take to shingle a roof?
3 if you slice them real thin.

Diarrhea
Did you hear about the black man that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.

Smell
Why do a black man drive with his windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

Fly
What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.



Big nose
Why are black people’s nose so big?
Well god had to pick them up by something to spray paint them black.

Birth
How long does it take for a black woman to shit?
9 months.

What a smell
What’s long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

Lightbulb
How many black college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets 6 credits for it.

Black arm
What has four legs and a black arm?
A happy pitbull.

Turf
What do you call 50 black persons burried up to their necks in dirt?
Afro-turf.

Direction
Why did the black man cross the road?
I tugged his neck-chain in that direction.

Gloves
Why do blacks wear white gloves?
So they don’t bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Dead
What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead black person in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

News
What happens when a black guy enters a billionaire private museum.
Breaking News.

Racist
There are 4 men on top on a roof. A black man, a white man, a Mexican, and an Asian. The Mexican man says, “This is for my people!” Then jumps off. And then the Asian man says, “This is for my people!” Then jumps off.
Then the black man says “This is for my people!” Then throws the white man off the roof!

Stronger
Why are black men getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger!

Lincoln
What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
“I set WHO free?”

Grail
What’s the difference between the holy grail and a black child’s daddy?
You may find the grail.

Going out
How do you keep a black man from going out?
Pour more gas on him!

Burnt
What did God say when he made the first black man?
“Damn, I burnt one.”

Zebra
What did the black kid say when he slid down the zebra?
Now you see me, now you don’t, now you see me, now you
don’t.

Driveway
How many black men does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

Blacks and jews
What is the disadvantage of being black and a Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven.

Bowling balls
What’s the difference between a truck full of black baby and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

Garage sales
Why do white folks go to black people garage sales?
To get their stuff back.

Harlem
What’s the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father’s Day.

Sounds like
What’s the worst thing you can call a black man, starting with N and ending with R?
Neighbor.

Just hanging around
How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
Hang one in your front yard!

Naruto
What does Naruto say when he’s not satisfied?
Ninja-Please!

Wonder
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn’t know he’s black.

Sandbox
Why don’t black kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

Chicken
Why don’t black women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Starve
How do you starve a black man?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots!

Chickens
Why do black people keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

African assassination
How do you assassinate a true African warlord?
You call 911

Taste
Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of black men out of their mouth.

Scared
What’s a black persons most scariest film to watch?
Casper the ghost, it reminds them of 1864′

Pizza
What can a pizza do that a black man can’t?
Feed a family of four.

Black guy slam dunk
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Because they can run, shoot and steal.

Many more black jokes

Church 2
What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A black woman dressed for church.



Flat noses
Why do black people have flat noses?
That’s where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Innocent black
Why do criminal black gangsters wear white shirts?
To look innocent.

Special recipe
How do you get your black runner to win a big race if you are a coach?
Sprinkle some of Colonel Sanders special recipe at the finish line, they smell it from a mile away.

Filthy and dirty
Why are black people black and commit the most crime?
Because their souls are filthy and dirty with sins.

Batman
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Smart
Black people are actually smarter than asians because they’re the ones that
has harnested the power of invibility in the dark.

Bright light
Why do black people convert to buddism for more innocence?
To get enlightened.

Golf
Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like black people.

Church
What do you call a black man on a church?
Holly shit.

Wassup with black people
Do you know why black people are black.
They smoke so much drugs they accidentally lit themselves up with skin-changing drugs.

Dark times
What historical event has the most white people killed by black people?
The black death epidemic.

Bad
Do you know why black people are bad.
Because The Dark Lord hypnotized them with black magic.

Noooo
What do you call a black dictator of a country.
The Dark Lord

Rhythm
Why did god give black people rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips

The race
Why do all black people run fast?
Because they have years and years practicing chasing their dad’s across Africa.

True
What do you call the Ferguson riots.
Rise of the apes.

Black gyenocologist
Why do black people make the best gynecologists?
Because they’re already used to big lips, kinky hair, and bad breath.

KFC
What is long and black?
A KFC line!!!!!!

Nightclub
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says, “Show me it’s true what they say about black men.”
So he stabs her and nicks her purse.

Detroit
Why are black people moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

Why do black people
Why do black people walk on the left?
Because they have no rights.

Breakdancing
How did black people invent breakdancing
Trying to steal the hubcaps off of moving cars.

Diarrhea
What happened to the little black boy who had diarrhea for the first time?
He though he was melting.

More black jokes right here

Trees
Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

Jackie by crackie
Why did the jiggaboo name his fart Jack?
Because it was a real ripper.

Black joke
How does every black joke start?
By looking over your shoulder!

Broken phone
Why isn’t this phone working?
Because it’s black.

Smart 2
Why isn’t the black community smart?
BECAUSE THEY’RE BLACK!!!

In common
What does a fat lip, black eye, and a job have in common?
You can’t give a black person any of them.

FN
why can’t u see a black man’s name on the list of donations for FN
BECAUSE THEY’RE BLACK!

Fairytale
What’s the difference between a black and a white fairytale?
White begins, “once upon a time”.
Black begins, “y’all motherfuckers ain’t gonna believe dis shit!”

Black man and a jew
A black man and a Jew are jumping from a roof.
Who hits the ground first?
The black man.
Shit is flying faster than Ashes.

Weed
do yo know why blacks smoke so much weed?
BECAUSE THEY’RE BLACK!!!!

Jelly Beans
What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
The black ones steal your watch and rings.

First choice
Why does L.A. have so many gays and N.Y. so many black people?
L.A. had first choice.



Barbecue sauce
What did the black man get on his SATs?
Barbecue sauce!

Pc
I painted my PC black so it will run faster!

Snow tires
Whats the difference between black man and snow tires?
Snow tires don’t sing when you put chains on them!

Pads
What does a black woman and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods .

Charles and Wonder
Why can’t Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read?
They’re black!

BJ
Why don’t black men like blow jobs?
They don’t like ANY jobs!

Nike and the kkk
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make black people run faster.

Slinky
What do a slinky and a black man have in common?
Both are useless but it’s fun to watch them falling down the stairs.

Shoes off
What’s the difference between a black man and a bouncy castle?
You don’t take your shoes off to jump on the man!

Worked with the slaves
Why do people hit things when they don’t work?
It worked with the slaves.

Gun safety
Why are most guns black?
To remind you that they are dangerous.

Vietnam
Why were so many black people killed in the Vietnam war?
Because when the sergeant said to “get down”, they all got up and started dancing.

Martin luther king jr
What would Martin Luther King be if he was white?
ALIVE!

Homesick
An african man goes to the doctor and says, “I feel terrible.”
Doctor says, “go home, get a bucket, piss and shit in it for a week. Throw in dead rats and rotting fish. Put a towel over your head and sniff the fumes for three days.”
A week later african man goes back and says, “Doc, I feel wonderful, what was the problem?”
Doctor, “you were homesick!”

Why the rabbit
Englishman applies for a job with South African police.
Inspector says “These are the best qualifications I’ve ever seen, just one test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black men and a rabbit.”
Bloke replies “Why the rabbit?”
Inspector says “Fantastic attitude, you’ve got the job!”

White kid
Why do 2 black people have a white child?
Because 2 negatives make one positive.

Cruel world
What is short by it’s hight and size.
The victim who got robbed by a black guy.

Dead celebri
What do you call a miracle?
Michel Jackson’s skin color.

Lil bit of good
Why are black guys hands white?
Theres a lil bit of good in everyone.

Family tree
What happened when the black child looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.

20 last black jokes

Worst years
What is the worst 3 years of a black childs life?
First grade.

Black iphones
Why are the black iPhones the most bought?
They are more secure to black people.

Cement
What do you have if you’ve got a black man up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

Chicken and the road
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because a black woman saw her in the middle of the the road and cooked her afterwards.

Black mom
Why do black people hate there moms?
Because when there mom dies they never leave any money.

Fire
What’s black, orange, and very pretty?
A black person on fire.

White to black
You know what paints from white to black?
Black persons blood in your veins.

Deep down
Why are black people always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they’re good people.

Black and white 2
Why are black people dicks longer then a white guys dick?
As children white people have a toy to play with!

Usain bolt
What do you do when you watch running competitions in Olympics?
Secure your phone, wallet and everything valuable you have with you.

Blue
Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My black man, I can paint him whatever color I want.

Hell
Friend 1: I think that our population is very big and it needs to be dealt with!
Friend 2: So, should we kill other people?
Friend 1: Well, I don’t want to go to hell. I want to go to heaven when I die!
Friend 2: Well, untill you live, you could go to Africa, and after you die, say to God that you’ve already been to hell. Then you could kill as much as you desire.
Friend 1: Maybe you should go to hell!
Friend 2: Can’t, I’m not black.

Half a head
What do you do if you see a black person with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Briefcase
What do you call a black man in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

The black boy
Why did the black boy fall off his bike?
He didn’t he fell off someone else’s bike!



Uniform
What do you say to a black man in uniform?
“I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke.”

A romantic racist
A normal racist would say:
We all know that black people wallets are the more emptier than whites are.
(Now transforming the previous quote into romanticism)
A romantic racist would say:
We all know that actually white people wallets are even more emptier than black people wallets, because white people care more about black people, and care more for the nature.

Gorilla
What do you get when you cross a black person with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

Abortion clinic
What do you call the black abortion clinic?
Crime stoppers!

Black barbie
Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

Here is a video with black jokes (Created by Comedy Time)

Did you enjoy this selection of humorous black jokes? Well if your still hungry you can always watch Chris Rock comedy about black people: https://youtu.be/Bv6vdOcehgc
Remeber to come back again, I always add more jokes to all the categories. Have a great day.

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