Here is a category which consist only of dumb jokes. They are so dumb that they are on the verge of being funny. Don’t believe me? Read them and decide for yourself.
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- What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
Wipes his ass.
- Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
He’s all right now.
- Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I’m a barber.
- I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger.
And then it hit me.
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he had a great fall.
- What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?
A zebra with a sun burn.
- People wonder why I call my toilet “The Jim” instead of “The John.”
I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”
- What’s the tallest building in the world?
The library, cause it has the most stories.
- What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The incredible Sulk.
- I went to the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance.
The bitch pushed me, but I couldn’t really blame her.
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
There’s no point.
- Why are pigs not allowed to ride bikes?
Because they lack the thumbs to ring the bell.
- Money doesn’t grow on trees, right?
So why does every bank have so many branches?
- How do trees get online?
They log in.
- What has four legs, one foot and one head?
- Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
- Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes now.
- Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
- Why did the pig leave the party early?
Because everyone thought he was a boar.
- One twin to the other: “You are ugly.”
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
- How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
- Why are barns so noisy?
Because all the cows have horns.
- What do computers snack on?
- What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?
“We have a toot in common.”
- Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
- What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
- What did the farmer say when he lost his sheep?
Where’s my sheep?
- What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
- What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- Guess who I saw yesterday?
Everyone I looked at.
- How do fish get high?
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Everything’s fine. He woke up.
- Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far up from its body.
- What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad away.
- Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert?
Because they’re always stuffed.
- The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms.
- What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet?
- What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
A waist of time.
- You know why when geese fly in a V, one side of the V is longer than the other?
There’s more geese on that side.
- I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
- Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
- How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
- What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”
- Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he never lands.
- What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
- What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck?
“You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”
- What did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?
Get in the batmobile.
- What’s so great about being a hitman?
They all kill it.
- Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what comes next in June?
- A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
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