Offensive jokes

• • What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair?
    Rolaids.

• • What do you throw a Mexican man when he’s drowning?
    His wife and kids.

• • What’s the similarities between a jew and a stiff nipple?
    They both disappear after a hot shower.

• • What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
    You can’t take a joke.

• • How do you swat 200 flies at one time
    Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

• • What’s black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

• • What is a redneck virgin?
    A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

• • How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
    None… He fell.

[quads id=1]

• • A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. “Sally,” she said, “you didn’t tell me you were going to a wedding.” “I didn’t mom,” Sally replied.
    “I was giving a bl@wjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me.”

• • How do you drown a black person?
    Pop their lips.

• • What is the most positive thing in Harlem?
    HIV.

• • What’s the difference between an onion and a hooker?
    I don’t cry when I’m cutting up the hooker.

• • Why do Jewish girls like to do it in doggy style?
    They can’t stand to see somebody else have a good time.

• • What did the leper say to the prostitute?
    Keep the tip!

• • Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
    One stops sucking when you slap it.

• • Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
    Because spray paint wasn’t invented until 1949.

• • The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in.

• • What’s long, black and smelly?
    An unemployment line.

• • What’s the difference between a British man and his girlfriend?
    His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.

• • A guy called into work and says, “Hey, boss!
    What’s the difference between work and your daughter?”
    “I’m not coming into work this morning!”

• • Why is it so hard for Mexican women to get pregnant?
    Because as soon as the sperm enters the cell it tries to hang itself.

• • How do you know if a Chinese person robs your house?
    Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the dude is still trying to back out of your driveway.

• • God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating woman for once.

Great offensive jokes

• • What’s the difference between a black man and a pizza?
    A pizza can feed a family of four.

• • What do you say when you see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night?
    Drop it nig***!

• • What do rednecks and KFC have in common?
    They do chicken right.

• • How do you starve a black man?
    Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

• • What’s the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?
    Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my cigarettes.

• • A baby seal walked into a club.

• • What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
    Drowns.

• • In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornadoes have in common.
    Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

• • Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
    Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

• • I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, “Please, think of my children!”
    That’s kinky .

• • What’s a pedophiles favorite part of a hockey game?
    Before the First Period.

• • Why did the redneck cross the road?
    Because he couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.

• • Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?
    It never gets old.

• • Two (insert favorite ethnic group here) jump off the top of a very tall building. Which one his the ground first?
    Who cares?

• • Why did Johnny keep falling off his rocking horse?
    Johnny died 6 months ago and his parents still haven’t come to terms with his death.

• • What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
    A pedophile.

• • How do you kill 100 Mexicans?
    Blow up their van.

• • What’s the best part about raping a baby?
    It makes your dick look HUGE!

• • What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
    Quarter pounder with cheese.

• • Woman gives birth to twins. The midwife says there’s good news and bad news.
    Bad news is one’s ginger but the good news is it’s dead.

• • What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
    They both drip when they’re messed up.

• • What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool?
    Sinko.

• • What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle?
    A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.

• • What do you call a fat Chinese person?
    A chunk.

• • What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea?
    I’m melting!

• • What do you call a black guy who flies a plane?
    A pilot, you racist asshole!

• • Why do black people smell?
    So blind people can hate them too.

• • How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    None! What are they doing out of the kitchen!?

• • What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas?
    My bike.

• • How are fat girls and Mo-peds the same?
    They are both fun to ride, but you don’t tell your friends about them.

• • What’s white and fourteen inches long?
    Nothing.

• • How many Jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
    54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

• • How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
    Dental floss.

• • What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
    A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven!

• • How many white guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    The number doesn’t matter because the white man will screw anything.

• • What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?
    ******s.

• • Why do black people play basketball?
    They can run, shoot, and steal.

• • What did Adolf Hitler get his niece for her birthday?
    An easy bake oven.

• • What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys?
    Coach.

• • Why don’t Puerto Ricans have check books?
    Because it’s impossible to sign your name that small with spray paint.

• • What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?
    On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wants to be Irish.

• • What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
    Ethiopian.

• • What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys?
    Warden.

• • What do you call an ethiopian wearing a turban?
    Aq-tip.

• • How do you know when a redneck has her period?
    She’s only wearing one sock.

• • What do you call an ethiopian with buck teeth?
    A rake.

• • How do you know when a redneck has her period?
    She’s only wearing one sock.

• • How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
    Throw them a basket ball.

• • What’s this? (pinches skin on both sides of neck)
    An ethiopian eating a cornflake.

• • Why do they put excrements around the church at a packy wedding?
    To keep the flies off the bride.

• • What do gay guys call an upside down chair?
    A table for four.

• • Whats the difference between a pakie & a bucket of excrements?
    The bucket.

• • What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
    Full.

• • What does FUBU really stand for?
    Farmers Use’ta Beat Us.

• • What do priests and Santa Claus have in common?
    They both leave little boy’s rooms with empty sacks.

• • What do you call an ethiopian jumping off a cliff?
    A chocolate drop.

• • What do you call a pakie with a wooden leg?
    Walking on a stick.

• • What do you call a pakie with two wooden legs?
    A waste of wood.

• • What do you call a black woman who has had a dozen abortions?
    A crime fighter.

• • How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box?
    Throw a tin of beans in.
    How do you get them out?
    Run past with a tin opener.

• • How do you get 100 jews into a car?
    Throw a quarter in it.
    How do you get them out again?
    Tell them Hilter is driving.

• • What do you call two ethiopians in a sleeping bag?
    Twix.

• • Why are murders easy to commit in West Virginia?
    Because everyone there has the same DNA.

• • Why doesn’t Mexico enter the Olympics?
    Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.

• • Why do Arabian women put a red dot on their foreheads?
    Helps for better aiming.

• • How do you kill 100 Ethiopians?
    Throw a Biscuit off a cliff.

• • How did the Grand Canyon get there?
    Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

Many more amazing offensive jokes

• • How do you kill a redneck?
    Wait ’till he goes to bed with his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

• • Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
    So it won’t explode when you have intercourse with it!

• • What does a black guy and an apple have in common?
    Both look great hanging from a tree.

• • What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
    Throw in a load of dirty laundry.

• • What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
    One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

• • Why do men have a hole in their shaft?
    So they can get air to their brain.

• • What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
    Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

• • What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
    “I feel like a kid again.”

• • What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla?
    A retarded gorilla.

• • What’s the difference between a woman and a computer?
    You can punch information into a computer.

• • What do you get when you cross a black man and a Mexican.
    A person who’s too lazy to steal.

• • What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing, you already told her twice.

• • Why could Jesus walk on water?
    Excrement floats.

• • What’s the smartest thing to come out of a woman’s mouth?
    Einstein’s organ.

• • Why aren’t there any puerto ricans on Star Trek?
    They won’t work in the future either.

• • What was good about the million man march?
    Only three people missed work.

• • What do you do when your woman’s watch breaks?
    Nothing there’s a clock on the stove.

• • How can you tell which is the head nurse?
    The one with the dirty knees.

• • What’s the useless skin around the yum-yum called?
    The woman..

• • How do you fit 4 queers on a bar stool?
    Flip it upside-down.

• • What do you call a blacks in a sleeping bag?
    Snickers.

• • What do you call two blacks in a sleeping bag?
    Twix.

• • Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
    When you take it off you wonder where her breasts went.

• • Why did God give women three more brain cells than cows?
    So they don’t poo on the floor while doing the dishes.

• • Why are KFC and a woman the same?
    When you’re done eating them all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

• • How do you keep an Indian out of your back yard?
    Move the trash cans to the front.

• • What’s 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth?
    Her miscarriage.

• • Why is Tylenol white and not black?
    It works.

• • How do you piss off a female archeologist?
    Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

• • Why do Jews have big noses?
    Because air is free.

• • How do a packie keep the flies off her food?
    Opens her legs.

• • What’s a homeless woman use for a vibrator?
    Two flies in a bottle.

• • Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
    She was a woman.

• • When I was young I used to struggle keeping my colors inside the lines.
    At my new job at Immigration Control however, they do as they’re told.

• • What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween?
    Free delivery.

• • Whats the new definition for mass confusion?
    Fathers day in Harlem.

• • How can you tell when an Ethiopian is pregnant
    Her tampon is half eaten.

• • Do you wanna hear a joke?
    Women’s Rights.

• • What do you call a Mexican with a sunburn?
    A REFRIED BEAN.

• • Whats the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
    It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

• • Why shouldn’t women have driver’s licenses?
    There’s no roads between the kitchen and the bedroom.

• • I really hate how politically correct the world is getting. I cant even say “Black paint” anymore.
    I have to say “Hey Jamal, can you please paint that wall for me?”

• • What’s the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
    A canoe tips.

• • What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
    GLOVES!
    Nah, just kidding.
    He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.

• • What do you call a white Orgy?
    A snowball
    What do you call a Black Orgy?
    Mud Wrestling
    What do you call a Mexican Orgy?
    FAMILY REUNION!

• • Did you hear about the Taliban members that they found in Harlem?
    They caught Bin Stealin’, Bin Rapin’ and Bin’ Bangin’. However, Bin Workin’ is still at large.

• • What’s the worst thing about eating vegetables?
    Putting them back in the wheelchair when you’re done.

• • What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
    They don’t listen.

• • What do you call a black priest?
    Holy Man.

• • How does every black joke start?
    With a look over your shoulder.

• • What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?
    An avalanche.
    What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill?
    A mudslide.
    What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
    A jailbreak.

• • How do you circumcise a redneck?
    Kick his sister in the chin.

• • Whats black and drips down the window?
    Condensation.

• • Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.
    Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

• • What do Ethiopians use for deodorant?
    Chopstick.

• • Why are black peoples palms white?
    Because there’s a little bit of good in everyone!

• • I’m not racist i have a color TV.

• • What do black people get when they pick their nose?
    Noogers!

• • Why are black peoples palms white?
    Cuz they were up against the wall when god was spray painting them.

• • Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a restarted baby?
    Yea, they named it, Sum Ting Wong!

• • Who are the world’s fastest readers?
    9/11 victims, they went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.

• • How many Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    2, one to hold it in place and the other to drink instill the room spins.

• • Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews?
    It stops on a dime and then picks it up.

• • What do u call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
    Cuatro sinco.

• • How do you know if an Italian has been in your back yard?
    Your garbage is knocked over and your dog is pregnant.

• • Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico?
    200 Mexicans died.

• • What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
    Walking.

• • What does the human race and jelly beans have in common?
    Nobody likes the Black ones.

• • Why is the black power sign a clenched fist?
    So they don’t fall off the trees.

• • How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

• • What is the difference between a Russian and a bag of excrements?
    Nothing.

The last 20 offensive jokes

• • What’s the best thing about having intercourse with homeless girls?
    When you’re done, you can drop ’em off anywhere.

• • Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
    You can unscrew a light bulb.

• • What happens when you stick your hand in a bowl full of black jelly beans?
    You get your watch stolen.

• • Why did Hitler kill himself?
    He got his gas bill.

• • What do fags call their balls?
    “Mud flaps”.

• • My ex girlfriend rang me up to say that she was HIV positive.
    The trick is to always act surprised.

• • Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
    She sat on Pinocchio’ s face and said “lie to me!”

• • Whats long and hard on a black man?
    The first grade.

• • What’s the difference between a black man and Batman going to a deli?
    Batman can go to a Deli without Robin!

• • How do you get a nun pregnant?
    Dress her up like an altar boy.

• • What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury dough boy?
    A red headed girl with a yeast infection.

• • An Asian man gets into a cab and yells, “Quick, make like a Chinese dad with his newborn baby daughter and step on it!”

• • What happened when the Jew walked into the wall with a hard-on?
    He broke his nose.

• • Why can’t Stevie Wonder read?
    Because he’s black.

• • What do you call 40 Mexicans buried up to their neck in sand?
    A spicket fence.

• • What do you call a school bus full of black people?
    A rotten banana.

• • Whats the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
    Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after hes thirteen.

• • My son asked me the other day how I feel about abortions.
    I told him to go ask his sister.
    He said, “I don’t have a sister”.
    There’s your answer.

• • What do you call a bunch of Mexicans in a swimming pool?
    Bean dip.