Dead baby jokes

• • How many dead babies would it take to paint your house red?
    Well, that depends on how hard you throw them.

 

• • Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
    So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.

 

• • How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
    Staple its other hand to the floor.

• • What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
    Dart-boards don’t bleed.

 

• • What’s red and screams when you shake it?
    A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

 

• • What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
    No one cries when you chop up the baby.

 

• • What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead baby?
    I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

 

• • What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
    One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.

 

• • What’s blue and knocks on glass?
    A baby in a fishtank.

 

• • Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
    The family used it to crack nuts.

 

• • What do you call a dead baby in a blender?
    Breakfast.

 

• • What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
    About 500 calories.

 

• • How do you make a baby drink?
    With a blender.

 

• • How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
    It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

 

• • What’s red and taps?
    A baby in an oven.

 

More dead baby jokes

• • Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
    So that if its born dead they can make soup.

 

• • What games can you play with a dead baby?
    Rugby.

 

• • Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
    They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.

 

• • What’s the best reason to have a baby?
    It’s a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas.

 

• • Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
    So you can see the expression on their faces.

 

• • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
    When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

 

• • How many babies fit in a blender?
    Depends on how powerful the blender is.

 

• • What gets louder as it gets smaller?
    A baby in a trash compactor.

 

• • Why did the baby cross the road?
    It was stapled to the chicken.

 

• • What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
    You can’t gargle gravel.

 

• • How do you turn a baby into a cat?
    Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.

 

• • What is better than a dead baby?
    The revoked child-support.

 

• • How do you save a drowning baby?
    Harpoon it.

 

• • What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
    A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

 

• • How do you know when a baby is dead?
    It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.

 

• • How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
    4 1/2.

 

• • How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
    Jab ’em all with a pitchfork.

 

• • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?
    I don’t have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.

• • How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
    With a blender.
    How do you get them out again?
    With Doritos.

 

• • How are babies and the elderly alike?
    Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

 

• • How do you turn a baby into a dog?
    Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.

 

• • How do you get a baby out of a tree?
    You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it’s a piñata!

 

• • What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
    Crib death.

 

• • How do you get a baby to run faster?
    Chase it with the lawn mower.

 

• • What is red and is creeping up your leg?
    An abortion with homesickness.

 

• • How do you make a dead baby float?
    Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

 

• • How do you make a dead baby float?
    Take your foot off its head.

 

• • How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
    Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.

 

• • What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
    Blood brothers.

 

• • How do you spoil a baby?
    Leave it out in the sun.

 

• • What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
    Art.

 

• • How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
    Stick a javelin through it’s head.

 

• • What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
    Stillbirth.

 

• • How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
    Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it in case it explodes.

 

• • What is green and hangs around trees?
    Same baby 3 weeks later.

 

• • How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

 

• • What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
    Floaties with a slashed baby.

 

• • If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it.
    Is it still hilarious?

 

• • What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
    A baby in a microwave.

 

• • What do you call a baby on a stick?
    A Kebabie.

 

• • What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
    Baby with slashed floaties.

 

• • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
    Sandy.

 

• • What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
    A baby with forks in its eyes.

 

• • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
    Matt.

 

• • What is red and hangs around trees?
    A baby hit by a snow blower.

 

• • What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
    They’re fun to ride until they die.

 

• • What is the definition of fun?
    Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.

 

• • What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
    A miscarriage.

• • What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
    A Freeloader.

 

• • What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
    A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

 

• • What happens when you burn baby’s face off?
    It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.

 

Funny but a bit morbit dead baby jokes

• • What is pink and goes black with a “hiss.”?
    A baby thrown into a furnace.

 

• • What is the difference between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
    The VHS tape don’t stink when you leave it out in the sun.

 

• • What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
    Your baby’s leg.

 

• • What is brown and gurgles?
    A baby in a casserole.

 

• • What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
    An inside out baby!

 

• • What is red and goes round and round?
    A baby in a garbage disposal.

 

• • What’s blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
    A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!

 

• • What is black and goes up and down?
    A baby in a toaster.

 

• • What’s got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
    A bus load of babies on fire.

 

• • What is black and sits in a corner?
    A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.

 

• • What’s grosser than gross?
    A garbage can full of dead babies.

 

• • What is red and sits in the corner?
    A baby with razor blades.

 

• • What is little and can’t fit through a door?
    A baby with a spear in its head.

 

• • What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
    Nailing it to a dead puppy.

 

• • What is red and swings back and forth?
    A baby on a meat hook.

 

• • What’s more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
    Sticking pins in their eyes.

 

• • What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
    A baby with one hand nailed to the floor.

 

• • What’s pink and chunky?
    A baby with leprosy.

 

• • What present do you get for a dead baby?
    A dead puppy.

 

• • What’s red and dances all around?
    A baby on a barbecue.

 

• • What is blue and sits in the corner?
    A baby in a baggie.

 

• • What is green and sits in the corner?
    Same baby two weeks later.

 

• • What’s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
    A baby that’s been playing with a chainsaw.

 

• • What is pink, flies and squeals?
    A baby fired from a catapult.

 

• • What’s small, and red, and full of holes?
    A baby on a bed of nails.

 

• • What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
    A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.

 

• • What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
    A baby with a punctured lung.

• • What’s the best sound in the world?
    Hearing dead baby’s hips crack under pressure!

 

• • What is black and charred?
    A baby chewing on an extension cord.

 

• • What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
    You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

 

The last 20 dead baby jokes

• • What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
    A baby with his hair on fire.

 

• • What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
    You can’t gargle gravel.

 

• • What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
    A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies.

 

• • What do you call the baby when it lands?
    Free pizza.

 

• • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
    You don’t get second looks when you’re writing with a felt tip marker!

 

• • What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
    A baby in your freezer.

 

• • What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
    The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.

 

• • What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
    Stopping them with a shovel.

 

• • What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
    Ripping it off again.

 

• • What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
    The wall behind it.

 

• • What is white and glows pink?
    A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.

 

• • What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
    Doing it with a snow blower.

 

• • What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
    Catching it with a pitchfork.

 

• • What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
    A baby with a javelin through its throat.

 

• • What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
    Twins in an acid bath.

 

• • What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
    One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

 

• • What has 4 legs and one arm?
    A doberman on a children’s playground.

 

• • What is the worst part about killing a baby?
    Getting blood on your clown suit.

 

• • What bounces up and down at 100mph?
    A baby tied to the back of a truck.

 

• • What is funnier than a dead baby?
    A dead baby in a clown costume.