Funny Jokes and Insults
Blonde jokes are old favorite, you’ll enjoy yourself tremendously over a good blonde joke. These jokes demean blonde woman with their intelligence. Although it isn’t true, the jokes are still funny. Do you look for great blonde jokes to read then you’ve come to the right place. Find your favorite blonde joke and tell them to your friends.
- What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought. - Three blondes walk into a building.
You’d think one of them would’ve seen it. - Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
She wanted a lot of male in her box. - “I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”. - How do you know if a Blonde has been using your computer?
The joystick is still wet. - What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up. - Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:”Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts… When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts… When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts… When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!” The Doctor replies: “Your finger is broken.”
- Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can’t remember the number. - What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave! - A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
- Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said ‘concentrate’. - How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree. - How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner. - A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
- How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her. - A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!” Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.” After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
- How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. - A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?” - How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair?
When she trips over the cordless phone. - A robber comes into the store & steals a TV.
A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!” - A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”
- Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” - There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?” “N,” she answered.
- A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
“I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
But the blonde insisted saying,
“No. A bet’s a bet.”
Then the redhead said
“Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied
“Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!” - A guy was driving in a car with a blonde.
He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes.” - There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don’t, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, “I’ll get off.” The blondes, all moved by the brunette’s speech, start clapping.
- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I wonder if it’s mine. - Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.” - How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff. - A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!”
The operator asked, “Where are you?”
The blonde answered, “At my house.”
The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how do we get there?”
The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!” - A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45.
The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,”You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.” - There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back. - Why did the blonde like lightening?
She thought someone was taking a picture of her. - How do you get a one handed blonde down from a tree?
Wave at her. - I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror.
If you lie to the mirror you die.
The redhead says, “I look fat,” and dies.
The brunette says, ” I look skinny,” and dies.
The blonde says, “I think…” and dies. - A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space.
The redhead said, “I would adopt a martian.”
The brunette said, “I would give Pluto some steroids.”
The Blonde said, “I would go to the sun.”
The redhead replied, “But you would burn up and die.”
The blonde responded, “Not if I went at night.” - What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
“Omg, donut seeds!” - Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven. - Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender?
Because she wanted to make apple juice. - Why did God invent orgasms?
So blondes know when to stop screwing. - A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.” - Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills! - Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
She couldn’t find the “10” button. - A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?” - A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig.
The man asks, “Where did you get her?”
The pig answered, “I won her at the fair.” - A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.”
The blonde looks up and says, “Where?” - Did you hear about the blonde that got excited?
She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, “two to four years.” - How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has “please turn over” written on both sides. - Why can’t blondes tie shoes?
They just can’t grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it. - What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop. - Why did the blonde pee on the ground?
Because she saw a sign that said ‘Wet Floor.’ - The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!” - What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Siamese twins. - If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions! - What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
Her IQ goes up! - What are a blonde’s first words after graduating college?
“Would you like fries with that?” - Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First. - Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed?
Because she wanted sweet dreams! - What happened to the blonde at the soccer stadium?
She drowned in the Mexican wave. - Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed?
Because she wanted to measure how long he slept. - A blonde crashed a helicopter.
A police officer asked her what happened.
She says, “It got cold so I turned off the fan.” - How can you tell a blonde has used your computer?
There is white out on the screen. - Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards. - What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved. - How do you kill a Blonde?
Put a Scratch ‘n Sniff at the bottom of a pool. - Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator?
For their friends that don’t drink. - How do you change a blonde’s mind?
Blow in her ear or buy her another beer. - What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
“Thanks for the refill!” - How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone. - Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them. - What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted! - What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back. - Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her! - What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade. - Why was the blondes’ belly button sore?
Because her boyfriend was blonde too. - Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
To wash the Windows. - What do you say to a blonde that won’t come home with you?
“Have another beer.” - What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence. - What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick?
If you lay a brick it doesn’t follow you around for two weeks. - Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew them both. - How do you drown a blonde?
Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool. - How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday. - How do you kill a blonde?
Give her a gun and say it’s a hair drier. - What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training. - A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don’t match, one is red and the other is white.
Her friend sees her out and says, “You know your socks don’t match, right? You’re wearing one red sock and one white sock.”
The blonde responds, “That’s so weird!
I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home.” - How does a horny guy spell relief?
B.L.O.N.D.E. - How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head. - How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
By the chipped tooth. - Whats the differance between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the blonde she keeps on sucking. - What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
More blonde jokes
Great blonde jokes
The last 20 blonde jokes
https://youtu.be/6J8SHKOLZTE
I hope you enjoyed my list of blonde jokes. If you know any funny blonde jokes, then submit then and I will put them on this site.
lol these were so funny i lmao lol……im a blonde and i laughed way too much lol 🙂
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father?”
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking … and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida …?”