Funny Jokes and Insults
Dirty riddles can be quite difficult to solve. But I can promise you that they are funny. Every riddle has a solution that you must click to view. But try to see how many of them you can solve without looking. I must warn you, this category is not for children. I have many other riddles which they can enjoy.
What’s at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
All men have one, but it’s longer on some than others. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife once they’re married.
His last name.
What goes up, lets out a load, and then goes back down?
An elevator.
What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
Toothpaste.
If you put three fingers into these holes, it’s gonna be a shocker. What am I talking about?
A power outlet.
What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A seatbelt.
What starts with “p” and ends with “orn” and is the hottest part of the movie industry?
Popcorn.
What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
The lawn.
What gets wetter when things get steamy?
Steam boats!
When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I?
Your dentist.
They’re powerful and fun, especially when you put your fingers in them. What are they?
Bowling balls.
I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
A crane.
Some people prefer being on top, others prefer being on the bottom, and it always involves a bed.
A bunk bed.
You find me in a guy’s pants. I’m about six inches long, I have a head, and some women love to blow me. What am I?
A twenty dollar bill.
What’s squishy, bouncy, and comes in pairs?
Two bunnies!
What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
A fork.
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
1 U.S. leader
It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
Facebook.
Many more Dirty riddles
Do you know why called sex?
Because its easier to spell than ahhhhh…. ooohhhh… allaeeee… outch…
What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
An education.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
A lot of people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective, and it’s definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?
Tweets.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
Name a word that’s four letters long, ends in “u-n-t” and is used to refer to some women?
Aunt.
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
Peanut butter.
Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
She’s withholding evidence.
Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.
Who’s the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut!
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
If I miss, I might hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?
The paperboy.
Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is really long. Michael J. Fox’s is short. Daffy Duck’s isn’t human. Madonna doesn’t have one. What am I?
A last name.
What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.
All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
An elevator.
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I?
Your phone.
What does a woman have two of the a cow has four of?
Legs.
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
To find a tight seal.
What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
A coconut.
Why are exotic dancers like department stores?
Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
What goes naked to keep you warm?
A Sheep.
What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?
Talk.
What is that which a women gets every month and last for 3-6 days?
Husband’s salary.
Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Your wedding band.
What would you call a man who inserts his instrument into a women mouth?
Dentist.
Hair above and hair below. Humid area in the middle can be opened and closed?
Eyes.
How is a woman like a road?
Both have manholes.
What’s in a man’s pants that you won’t find in a girl’s dress?
Pockets.
I start with a “v” and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I?
Her voice.
I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?
Your nose.
My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?
A lawyer.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
A tent.
What's the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
Gloves.
Great selection on Dirty riddles
Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
An arrow.
How can you tell if your daughter had a good time on her date last night?
Throw her panties against the wall. If they stick, she had a good time.
You get a lot of it if you’re powerful and successful, but significantly less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself, but it’s a lot better when you do it with another person. What am I talking about?
Email.
Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse?
It improves hand-eye coordination.
Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
Firetruck!
What is the difference between 'Oooh!' and 'Aaah!'?
About three inches.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
By sticking your finger in his honey.
I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?
Bubblegum.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a chewie.
What’s messy and can be really annoying and tricky to clean up after sex?
Feelings.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
Erasers.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?
A strawberry.
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaaay.
I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
A bowling ball.
Whats does a fisherman and a teen have in common?
They both fiddle with a rod.
Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?
The Titanic.
What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!
I’m at least six inches long. I love it wet and foamy when I get to do my job. What am I?
A toothbrush.
Dirty riddles for your dirty mind
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Have a great day.
