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Harry Potter jokes

Harry Potter jokesThis here is a list with funny Harry Potter jokes. If you’re not born under a rock, you know who Harry Potter is. A story millions and millions people have red, both children and adults. Me personally, I was about 15 years old when the first book was released. I miss the feeling the first time you read something so good. Anyway, here are some HP jokes, I hope you will enjoy and remember to share with other Harry Potter fans.

  • Where do you find Dumbledore’s Army?
    Up his Sleevy.
  • How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One. It is the only thing they are good for.
  • Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?
    Because he can’t control his pupils.



  • What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
    Gifted.
  • What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator?
    A Weasley!
  • What’s the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?
    A ginger with two friends.
  • A wizard walks into a pub and orders a Forgetfulness Potion.
    He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”
  • Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
    So you’ll never know which side he’s on.
  • Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?
    Yeah, she went completely Knuts!
  • You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?
    There must be some thing RON with you.
  • The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
    Hermione walks into a pub with a time-turner.
  • What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
    Pregnant.
  • Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
    Because it was making him Moody.
  • What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
    Why so Sirius?
  • A muggle walks into the Hog’s Head inn with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool—where’d you get it?”
    “London,” the frog croaks, “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”
  • How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
    With quit-itch.
  • What kind of cereal do they serve at Hogwarts?
    Hufflepuffs.
  • Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
    Because he was cursing in class!
  • Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
    Because she gives him hugs and hisses.
  • Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
    Nobody nose.
  • What do Harry Potter and Charlie Brown have in common?
    They’re both in love with the little girl with red hair.
  • Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?
    Cause he only has followers, not friends.
  • How do you get a mythical creature into your house?
    Through the Gryffindor.
  • How do you know if someone’s a pureblood?
    Don’t worry they’ll let you know.
  • Why did the Hufflepuff charm her hair blonde?
    To look intelligent.
  • Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
    The Dark Lord ordered it.
  • Why does Sirius Black have so many girlfriends?
    Once you go black you siriusly dont go back!
  • How many centaurs does it take to light up a single wand?
    Two. One to say the spell and the other to keep remarking how bright the wand is tonight.
  • What did the golden snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy?
    Quidditching!
  • How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    All of them.
  • How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None – wizards don’t use electricity!
  • What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?
    A nose!
  • Why did Harry Potter cross the road?
    No reason, but someone will write fan fiction about it.



  • How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.
  • I named my lizard “Harry” just so I can say “Your a lizard Harry!”
  • What do you call a potterhead on a horse?
    Harry Trotter.
  • Many more Harry Potter jokes

  • What do you get when you cross a Ravenclaw with the infirmary?
    Ill-literacy.
  • How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
    With Dementos.
  • What do you call a movie about Daniel Radcliffe getting high?
    Harry Pothead.
  • How many normal Seekers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One, but he gets a hundred and fifty points for it.
  • If your boyfriend looks like Oliver Wood, he’s probably a keeper.
  • Did you survive Avada Kedavra?
    Cause your drop dead gorgeous.
  • Voldemort: Why so sirius?
    Sirius Black: Why so nosy?
  • Roses are red Violets are blue I thought Voldemort was ugly, But then I saw you.
  • Knock Knock.
    Who’s There?
    You Know!
    You Know Who?
    Exactly.
  • Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cornelius
    Cornelius who?
    Well, that’s politics for you.
  • Ron: Hi I’m Ron Weasley.
    Harry: Your sister will bear my children.
  • Hermoine: I’m going to bed.
    Draco: Can I Slytherin?
  • On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
    About nine and three quarters.
  • Yo mama Harry Potter jokes
    • Yo mama’s so ugly a Dementor won’t even kiss her.

    • Yo Mama’s so fat her patronus is a whale…

    • Yo momma’s so fat her patronus is a milkshake.

    • Yo momma’s so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

    • Your mum so fat when she looks in the Mirror of Erised she sees a ham!




    • Yo mama so ugly, not even voldemort would say her name

    • Yo momma’s so fat the sorting hat put her in all of the houses.

Here is a Try Not To Laugh video with Harry Potter jokes.

This videoe was uploaded by “TheBakeey”

Hey all Potter fans out there. I hope you liked these funny Harry Potter jokes. If so, please leave a comment and I will add more jokes to this category. This site contain many more jokes in other genres and to be more specific, over 80 different categories. So go out and explore, I’m sure there is others you will like.

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