Dark jokes

• • Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

• • A black guy and a Mexican are in a car.
    Who’s driving? The cop.

• • What’s blue and doesn’t fit?
    A dead epileptic.

• • How do you circumcise a redneck?
    Kick his sister in the Jaw.

• • Why can’t orphans play baseball?
    They don’t know where home is.

• • So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
    Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”
    Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

• • What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn’t?
    Ended a race.

• • Whats the difference between the Jews and Santa Claus?
    Santa goes down the chimney.

• • There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
    Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, “That’s odd.”

• • Why was six afraid of seven?
    Seven was black!

• • Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
    Everywhere.

• • Dark humor us like food, not everyone gets it.

• • My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex.
    Just this morning she asked me “Is that the best you can do?”

• • If the camera adds ten pounds, then do African children actually exist?

• • What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
    The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

• • A Mexican with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break?
    His lawnmower.

• • What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
    The wheelchair.

• • How do you make a baby float?
    Two scoops baby, one scoop ice-cream.

• • Guy having sex says “damn girl, there should be a law against sex this good” To which the girl replies “I think there is daddy”.

• • “I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
    A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.”

• • Whats the best thing ever?
    Throwing a dead baby off a roof.
    Whats better than that?
    Catching it with a pitchfork.

• • What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
    The NBA.

• • A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.
    He sits down and orders a drink.

• • Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?”
    Father: “Ask your sister”
    Daughter: “I don’t have a…”

• • A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break?
    His nose.

• • A Thai woman runs into a wall, what does he break?
    Her boner.

• • Have you ever read the sequel to Anne Franks’ diary? Anne goes to camp.

• • Whats the grossest thing ever?
    A bag full of dead babies.
    Whats grosser than that?
    One at the bottom is still wriggling.

• • How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
    Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

• • “My grandmother used to tell us a joke.
    She’d say “Knock knock,” we’d say “Who’s there?.”
    Then she’d say “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.”

• • Why won’t Monica Lewinsky vote for Hilary Clinton?
    The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

• • Why do white people own so many pets?
    Because they’re not allowed to own people anymore.

• • I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, “You’re next.”
    So I started doing the same to them at funerals, “You’re next.”

• • How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
    Depends on how hard you throw them.

• • Girls are like blackjack…
    I’m always go for 21 but I always end up hitting on 14.

• • What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
    G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake oven.

• • What does a boy with no hands get for Christmas?
    Gloves!

• • What’s the best part about dead baby Jokes?
    They never get old.

• • Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
    Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

• • What do you call a white man marrying the woman of his dreams?
    Incest.

• • What do you call a cheap circumcision?
    A rip off.

• • What did the leper say to the prostitute?
    Keep the tip.

• • Why can’t Mexicans win the Olympics?
    Anyone that can run jump or swim has already crossed the border.

• • People are like trees.
    They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

The last 12 dark jokes

• • Why are black men good at basketball?
    The whole purpose is to run shoot and steal.

• • When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

• • Say what you will about pedophiles but hey, they do drive slower through school zones.

• • What’s the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
    Don’t ask me I just fly the drone.

• • My boss farted in front of a Jewish client.
    “A little gas never killed anybody.”

• • What is it called when an Illegal Immigrant fights a Pedofile?
    Alien vs Predator.

• • Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

• • What’s the best part of an ISIS joke?
    The Execution.

• • What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
    The redneck virgin.

• • What is one positive about the ghetto?
    HIV.

• • A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
    After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.
    She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
    To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”